When I asked my friend Amber to write a post she graciously said she would try. A few weeks later this is the message I got.
I have been thinking a lot about what to write. I have been really
struggling and feel like I'm not learning what I am supposed to learn yet.
We are stressed about the new job, but love our ward and the kid's
schools. I want to write something uplifting, but it's not coming yet.
I do keep coming back to the video clip on LDS.org of the current bush that
gets pruned WAY back and cries out - what are you doing to me? This is how
I feel and hopefully someday I'll understand how it is making me better I
just can't see it yet.
Instead of letting her off the hook, I asked her to write about feeling like a pruned back bush, because I am positive someone else is feeling the same way, and sometimes it helps just to know we're not alone. The following is the video clip she was talking about, and then her contribution.
There have been many times in my life when I have asked the Lord, "why is this happening to me? Wasn't I making progress? Why aren't things working out like I expected? Haven't I been obedient and faithful?"
These times have come in many different forms; a heart wrenching breakup, great opposition in my missionary work, extended family heart ache from sin and death, children with learning and behavioral disabilities, physical and mental illness, struggles to support my husband's rigorous job schedule, and trying to make ends meet for our large family. Some of these experiences have come and gone and I can witness that the Lord's will for me was infinitely better than what I had planned for myself. Without the break up of my engagement I would never have served a mission or have married the man who truly cherishes me. Without the opposition on my mission my testimony would be shallow and my compassion for others limited. And without aching for family members my love for them would not have grown so intensely.
Even with this proof of the Lord's love for me and his perfect knowledge of what is best for my life, I still find myself "whining" as he prunes and guides my growth. This lesson is one that I learn over and over again. I am very grateful that my Father in Heaven is patient with me even when I am not always patient in return. Each time I am cut back I am eventually humbled and my understanding of the Savior's suffering and compassion for me grows. His atonement is real and has the power to change our hearts. I know that peace can come through the spirit even without a full understanding of what is next for us. I hope to someday accept the Lord's will for me with greater patience and faith. I do want to be the best little current bush I can be, and only the Lord knows what I need to get me to become that. I am very thankful that he cares enough to keep cutting me back and guiding my paths. I know he cares for each of us.
I know he cares for each of us too. Thank you Amber for being willing to write even when you weren't feeling inspirational - for despite your "weaknesses", we have been strengthened.
